100 Mandalas, art journal, Darkness, Do something, Helen Keller, I am still one, migraine, overcoming limitations, vision, watercolors
Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. John Wooden
I am only one, but I am still one. I cannot do everything but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. Helen Keller.
I am curious if I will get some different traffic because of the title of this page, but it is definitely time for the big girl panties. What that phrase means to me is that it is time to gird my loins, pack my bags, brace myself, etc. The reality of the situation is that my double/blurry vision has continued to get worse. In the last 2 weeks my prism prescription has doubled for the second time since we discovered that I have Exophoria (difficulties to establish and maintain binocular vision). This may be another factor that could lead to a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis for me. I have been monitored for possible ms for about 4 years for a variety of health problems, but the main one is that I do have lesions in my brain. The good news is that they are not typical of ms and they have been stable over the past 4 years. I am currently between neurologists and these vision problems are freaking me out. That is what led to the need to put on my big girl panties and be the mature woman I know I am. I have lived with migraines every day for the last 4 years. I have lived with muscle spasm in my left arm and the left side of my face for the last 4 years. I have gradually come to terms with the fact that I can no longer work as a school psychologist.
Tonight I found a new Helen Keller quote when I was looking up the exact wording of the one I love because I have no memory anymore but I digress…
Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn whatever state I am in, therein to be content. Helen Keller
I had already discovered the truth of this quote. When people see my art they frequently ask me where my ideas come from. I tell them that I spend many hours lying in a dark, quiet room because of my migraines and it is amazing what you can dream up if you give your mind that kind of space. I am feeling better already. Thanks for hanging with me.
Have a beautiful day.
Actually it was this blog post about Mandalas inspired by quotes on the 100 Mandalas blog by Kathryn Costa that included the first quote with the little watercolor flower (mandala 55 of 100). It reminded me of the second quote, by Helen Keller. It is one of my favorites and the significance of quoting an amazing blind woman when I can still see was not lost on me. I have decided I’m going to try to make art and blog about about as many days I can for the forseeable (ha ha) future. I can see today. I may not be able to draw delicate little details in my mandalas, but I CAN continue to explore watercolors and mandalas and maybe making them bigger will lead to something GREAT! (Puns are always intended, especially when they are accidental).
So, this is my new plan.
Claudia McGill said:
I think you have a lot of courage. To face reality when it is not the reality that you want or that is easy to live with, that’s even more difficult. I hope for the best for your health and I really like your idea of just going ahead with life full speed. Also I will be very happy to see more of your art!
I say go and buy some new paintbrushes, large sizes, the best you can afford, and enjoy big (I admit to being prejudiced toward sweeping paint strokes and larger scale because that’s what seems to come out of my work no matter what I do, but, I do like it. It is a freeing feeling to swipe big strokes.
Jeanette Clawson said:
I really appreciate your support. I haven’t gotten to the big paint brushes, but I have been doing some different things. Some days I do have pity parties, but they don’t result in anything beautiful and I feel physically and mentally worse afterwards so I really work hard on scheduling beauty and positive events into my days as much as I can. As part of that, I look forward to getting caught up on your blogs! I haven’t been looking at others blogs in the last few weeks in an attempt to manage my visual tasks, but you always inspire me and sometimes make me laugh out loud. I will never look at a hair thingy without thinking of you. I hope you are well and you vision issues have resolved.
Claudia McGill said:
Thank you so much, this post made my day. Yes, my eyes are at their healed point – I still have some impairment but I have completed all the surgeries, treatments, etc., and I am adapting to the new glasses, and so, I know where I am. That’s worth a lot, and especially since I’ve come out so well when I think of where I was a year ago. I hope for the same with you.
I have found that having new ideas to work on really helps me. I can’t compare what I used to do with what I am doing now if I am doing new things, right? So it all becomes, just what I do, not what was diminished or second best or whatever. Even painting is that way – I painted before but not like I do now, so I concentrate on now and don’t look back. Sounds like Pollyanna and isn’t always happening, but – there is so much to explore and so I am going to be very busy, no time for what has already happened…