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lunanista

~ Standing up for sanity (mine anyway) through art and humor.

lunanista

Tag Archives: migraine

Thursday Doors on Friday: Back to Rhode Island

19 Friday May 2017

Posted by Jeanette Clawson in Photographs, Thursday Doors

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

migraine, Norm 2.0, Rhode Island, Thursday Doors

Yesterday I had a cavity filled and trips to the dentist are major migraine triggers for me. Also, last week it was cool enough to sleep under the down comforter and this  week we are pining for our window air conditioners. My computer is a desktop and it is located in the upstairs room that is becoming my studio. The heat is also a migraine trigger for me so I’ve been either packed in ice in bed or in a camping chair in the basement to make it through the day. In any case I wanted to give you a peak at the Breakers, one of the Newport, RI mansions we visited on our trip there.

DSC_1498

This is the gate to the house. Pretty fancy. Here is the description from the Newport Mansions Preservation Society.

“The Breakers is the grandest of Newport’s summer “cottages” and a symbol of the Vanderbilt family’s social and financial preeminence in turn of the century America.“

While I love the doors and textures and interesting architectural features, I have to say that this one kind of bothered me. The Buddhist teacher Atisha said, “Always meditate on whatever provokes resentment.” I wasn’t sure it was resentment I was feeling, but to have doorknobs like these kind of seems like such conspicuous consumerism that I feel a little bit nauseated. On the other hand, its pretty.

pretty doorknob

The door itself is so lovely, too. Next week when the air conditioner is in and I’m feeling physically and emotionally better I will post the loveliness that is The Breakers, but for more beautiful door photographs without the emotional baggage see Norm 2.0.

I hope you have a temperate and beautiful day.

Dappled Sunlight

27 Monday Jun 2016

Posted by Jeanette Clawson in Gratitude journal

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

bench, Hudson River, migraine, Occipital Neurologia, photograph, sunlight, walking, Woods

My migraines/occipital neuralgia make me very sensitive to light in a lot of ways. One that has made me sad is that dappled sunlight makes my migraine and vertigo a lot worse. And I love to walk in the woods. Yesterday I was recovered enough from the move from Wisconsin to New Jersey to go on an adventure with my husband.

walk across the husdson South

We went for a drive to explore what we wanted to see along the Hudson River. There are a lot of possibilities! He wanted to walk across the Hudson and I accompanied him out to this point. Another way light impacts my migraines is that this kind of abundance of sunlight has usually been too intense for me even with sunglasses and a hat. Well, all of my hats are in storage pods, so I tried it with just sunglasses. I was pretty happy to be able to make it this far. Tall bridges and vertigo are not a great mix and when you add heat to the mix, I fade quickly. I walked back to the information booth to gather information (oddly enough). A shaded picnic table was the perfect place read up on what else was possible in the area while enjoying a lovely lemon Italian ice. There are 2 art museums and a specialty glass store/studio that I made note of for another day trip. We also may come back to see the Vanderbilt Mansion. The Walk across the Hudson Bridge is The Poughkeepsie-Highland  Railroad Bridge and we had a mediocre lunch in Poughkeepsie. Next time we might try the Culinary Institute that is just up the road.

We traveled a little further north to the Falling Water Preserve on the west side of the Hudson south of Saugerties. It was a lovely walk and the path along the river was filled with dappled sunlight. I was so grateful to be able to walk along the path with my husband and enjoy the smell and sights of the woods. I didn’t make it as far as the waterfall, but I did get to this lovely bench.

Hudson wooded walk  bench

That was a pretty big day for me and really unimaginable before the nerve ablation surgeries. I’m still recovering from the surgeries and was so grateful to be able to be outside to enjoy such a lovely summer day.

What are you grateful for this week?

Gratitude Mundane and Miraculous

12 Thursday May 2016

Posted by Jeanette Clawson in Gratitude journal, Photographs

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Cee's Photo Challenge, Flower of the Day, flowers, gratitude, migraine, Pain, photograph, tulips

Janets tulipscloseup

I know what you are thinking. Is she saying that flowers are mundane or miraculous? Actually I feel like they can be both. We pass by so many flowers and don’t take note of them and they can become mundane in our busy lives. (Well, your busy lives. I spend a lot of time laying down quietly so I usually find flowers miraculous.) To see more miraculous flowers check out Cee’s Flower of the Day post.

That brings me to the truly miraculous in my life. Yesterday I had a greater and lesser occipital nerve radio frequency ablation done to the nerves on the left side of my head. Can I just say that the pain level of the recovery is actually better than 95% of my days over the last 5 years!!! The process was super fast and not a big deal – it sounds a lot worse than it is! I’m excited to schedule the right side and get on with my life!

This week what mundane and miraculous things are you grateful for in your life? Make a blog post about it and post a link in the comments. Practicing gratitude increases  your happiness and is good for your health so join in on the fun!

New Gratitude Journal!

18 Monday Apr 2016

Posted by Jeanette Clawson in Gratitude journal

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Altered book, art, art journal, Art Journal Every Day, collage, gratitude, migraine, Occipital Neurologia, Pain, unconference

journal

Dam Camp was so much dam fun! It was an unconference and I taught art journaling and mandala drawing and took classes in understanding landscape art in its historical context, Raspberry Pi, and Bullet Journaling. What a fun impromptu learning environment. An unconference is when a bunch of people get together and spend about half an hour throwing out ideas of something they would like to share and you throw those into a grid to schedule everything and you go with what you’ve got. Ta-Da!

It was at the art center so I knew where all the stuff was and I was ready to start a new book so here is a part of it! I started doing some bullet journaling stuff in it, but that isn’t much to look at just yet. It was great to set aside a morning to get back into art and something other than packing, moving, and doctors.

The Very Good News:  Part of my migraine pain is from occipital neurologia. I have had a series of diagnostic nerve blocks and they have helped tremendously!!! I’m scheduled to have a more permanent procedure early in May. I have gotten down to a 0 on the pain scale for my migraines! It hasn’t lasted for a day, yet, but I’m really optimistic about the procedure. I have more hope than I have had in years.

Some more good news: we have accepted an offer on our house and our offer has been accepted on a house in New Jersey. It sounds a lot more simple and straight forward than it has been and I’m hoping it will be smooth sailing to complete the process. I’m hoping this will give me a little time between packing bouts to do some more art journaling. I have also started a really spectacular mandala but my eyes are acting up again so its on hold. I hope you have a beautiful day!

Share Your World – week 43

30 Friday Oct 2015

Posted by Jeanette Clawson in Gratitude journal

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

cats, Darkness, debate, Delight, gratitude, joy, love, migraine, Peace, Share Your World, social justice, SYW, tea

If you have been following me for a while you know that I am a fan of Cee’s Photo Challenges. She also does a weekly post called Share Your World and I have considered participating in the past, but this week I decided to plunge in. She poses a series of questions and she, and whoever wants to participate.

If you were on a debate team, what general subject would you relish debating?

In High School I did participate in the forensics program that included debate, but I chose to recite (sometimes my own) poetry. I was pretty good at it because I love poetry. However, I was very shy as a child and debate was way outside of what I was interested in. As I have gotten older I have found the courage, usually because of my passions and interest in social justice, to engage in debate. I have traveled widely and lived on 3 continents. My sons are adopted African Americans. I have health problems of the physical and mental kinds. I have had to advocate for my self and children and have chosen to do it for many others. The last few years race and economic injustice have been the main topics I debate. I have been so privileged in so many ways in my life I feel it is my responsibility to speak for those who can not or who are not invited to the discussion. My methods of debate are usually quiet and private and involve conversations with people who I believe I can teach. Sometimes I have used my blog as an avenue to share my ideas of social justice, but not as much as I thought I would when I started. This is actually a topic I think about a lot when deciding what to write about/post. My health limitations have precluded the energy it takes for me to overcome my desire for privacy and emotional involvement with so many of these topic. So, that may help you see why I chose to participate in this “Share your world.”

What is your strongest sense?

Probably taste, but I think quite a bit about my senses increasingly. Most of this summer I was not able to read for more than a few minutes at a time and most days I was not able to draw at all. Some of my vision issues have improved, but some continue to present challenges. The best thing to come out of this is my increased involvement with photography. It has been tremendously rewarding. My migraines demand that I spend days at a time in what I refer to as my “sensory deprivation tank.” I lay in my dark bedroom with my head packed with ice packs and some very quiet music or on an ok day an audio book. And I pet my cats. Those interactions with my cats (and the support from my husband) are a source of incredible joy and satisfaction to me. So, when you ask my strongest sense, I think all of mine are turned up too high for this world.

At one point I was identified by a food company as a “super-taster” I was selected for a 3 month training program in sweet, sour, salty, bitter, and umami (which may have a relationship to my migraines – I think). The training program actually made me too sick to continue into the job. For most of my life I was told I was a wimp when it came to hot foods and it turns out that I experience them differently than many people. Hot was actually characterized as a mouth sensation rather than a flavor and there was a whole education around this, too. Needless to say I really enjoy good food. Some of my friends and family think it is hilarious, but when I was introduced to the concept of mindfulness and eating I felt validated. To me a fresh raspberry can be a revelation. So, from my sensory deprivation days, I can still enjoy one of my strong senses and find great joy in a simple meal.

What would you name the autobiography of your life?

The funny thing about this one is that I have started writing my autobiography. I have had many people tell me I should write a book about my life and I have started to give this some deep thought in my quiet hours. You already know part of the title. Lunanista: Finding Delight in the Darkness. For any more on this you will have to wait to see if/when I finish it!

List your favorite flavors or types of tea.

As you may have guessed by the taste response, I have some ideas here, too! I love hot and cold green and English Breakfast teas, but most black teas are lovely to me. I also love Oolong, as it reminds me of my time living in Asia. I can no longer drink Jasmine tea because the fragrance triggers my migraines. Also, an allergy technician friend of mine recommended that I stop drinking chamomile because it was making my allergies worse. I love almost any tea with mint and have grown my own mint periodically. I love honeybush tea, but it is really difficult to find in my neck of the woods. On a cold day a lovely cup of chai feels like home, too. I also love to make my own fruit syrups to add to my iced teas in the summer. This past summer I made a cherry syrup that is lovely. My mother-in-law has found a place that produces lemon whipped honey that is so lovely in either hot or cold tea.

What are you grateful for from the last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

Cee includes this question every week and it is part of my personal gratitude practice. I have gotten away from my gratitude journals and hope this will bring me back into it. This past week has been very challenging for me physically. I have some new medical mysteries that have added problems on top of the migraines. Oddly enough, this is where the title of my book came from. I was laying in bed with pain levels at about a 7 or 8 but I was listening to some beautiful music and my little cat came and snuggled right up in my arms. Petting him led him to purr and there was something about that that was just plain wonderful. I have a safe, quiet room and lots of ice packs. My husband is so loving and does what he can to make me feel better – of particular note this week were hand and feet massages. I have been blessed with a group of such wonderful friends and family. They have brought me food and laughter and so much thoughtfulness. My cup runneth over. Next week I have an important medical test and a followup with my neurologist about some other tests I have had and I have hope that we will find answers or better questions. (But really I want answers). I look forward to delicious meals with loved ones. Purring cats. Renewing my gratitude journal practice. Laughter, music, books and moments of peace and joy. May you have peace and joy in the coming week as well.

041514 sywbanner

Big Girl Panties

30 Thursday Jul 2015

Posted by Jeanette Clawson in Gratitude journal

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

100 Mandalas, art journal, Darkness, Do something, Helen Keller, I am still one, migraine, overcoming limitations, vision, watercolors

55 of 100

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. John Wooden

56 0f 100

I am only one, but I am still one. I cannot do everything but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. Helen Keller.

I am curious if I will get some different traffic because of the title of this page, but it is definitely time for the big girl panties. What that phrase means to me is that it is time to gird my loins, pack my bags, brace myself, etc. The reality of the situation is that my double/blurry vision has continued to get worse. In the last 2 weeks my prism prescription has doubled for the second time since we discovered that I have Exophoria (difficulties to establish and maintain binocular vision). This may be another factor that could lead to a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis for me. I have been monitored for possible ms for about 4 years for a variety of health problems, but the main one is that I do have lesions in my brain. The good news is that they are not typical of ms and they have been stable over the past 4 years. I am currently between neurologists and these vision problems are freaking me out. That is what led to the need to put on my big girl panties and be the mature woman I know I am. I have lived with migraines every day for the last 4 years. I have lived with muscle spasm in my left arm and the left side of my face for the last 4 years. I have gradually come to terms with the fact that I can no longer work as a school psychologist.

Tonight I found a new Helen Keller quote when I was looking up the exact wording of the one I love because I have no memory anymore but I digress…

Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn whatever state I am in, therein to be content. Helen Keller

I had already discovered the truth of this quote. When people see my art they frequently ask me where my ideas come from. I tell them that I spend many hours lying in a dark, quiet room because of my migraines and it is amazing what you can dream up if you give your mind that kind of space. I am feeling better already. Thanks for hanging with me.

Have a beautiful day.

Actually it was this blog post about Mandalas inspired by quotes on the 100 Mandalas blog by Kathryn Costa that included the first quote with the little watercolor flower (mandala 55 of 100). It reminded me of the second quote, by Helen Keller. It is one of my favorites and the significance of quoting an amazing blind woman when I can still see was not lost on me. I have decided I’m going to try to make art and blog about about as many days I can for the forseeable (ha ha) future. I can see today. I may not be able to draw delicate little details in my mandalas, but I CAN continue to explore watercolors and mandalas and maybe making them bigger will lead to something GREAT! (Puns are always intended, especially when they are accidental).

So, this is my new plan.

Valentines and Gratitude

16 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by Jeanette Clawson in Gratitude journal, Journal 52

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

100 Mandalas, Altered book, gratitude, gratitude journal, Journal, Journal 52, migraine, serendipity

Here is my journal page for the Journal 52 Challenge on the topic of “Valentines.” I was so happy that my Mandala I did for the Diva’s Challenge last week would complete the page so nicely. You may notice it is the only mandala on the page. In my attempt to adhere to the 100 mandala challenge, I have veered off my path of gratitude. I am enjoying the mandalas, but I really need to work on the gratitude every day for my physical and mental health. My migraines have been getting a little worse (which makes mandala making beyond me) and my doctors and I haven’t quite been able to tease out why. I have been considering looking for some paying work or applying for Social Security Disability insurance and the increased pain levels make me think I need to go the latter route. That is really depressing. So, gratitude.

valentine and gratitude 001

Here is my 2 page spread for the past week.  One of the things I love about altered books is the serendipity of what is on the page I’m going to use for any given week. I really love the photographs in this book. Look how the huge rock suggests a huge heart. It works so well with the Lao Tzu quote, too. I played with some patterned papers to accent the photos and  did some journaling about my week and my love. I hope you have a lovely week.

The quotes, in case they aren’t very legible:

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply give you courage.      Lao Tzu

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.     Shakespeare

This week I’m grateful for things coming together nicely and the fun word serendipity. How about you?

Lunanista – Virtual Blog Tour

08 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by Jeanette Clawson in Gratitude journal

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

art journal, blog tour, gratitude, illustration, meditation, migraine, photography, watercolor

This Virtual Blog Tour was inspired by Sue Jones at It Goes On. I’m a little nervous and excited by this opportunity to share my creative process.

What am I working on?

My two big intentions for 2014 are contentment and to make good art. I’m really trying to have everything I am working on have those goals in mind.

My gratitude art journals are always a work in progress and usually don’t feel like work as much as they are part of how I move through my days. I enjoy focusing on specific artistic skills and techniques and stretching my limits in my journals. Now I am also working on larger collages that have grown out of my art journals. I have done a few drafts of an abstract garden color meditation collage that is coming along nicely. The sketches were in watercolor and acrylics with different cut paper flowers. For the final collage I am making individual flowers in different media and attaching them to a painted canvas. I posted part of the work in progress, some blue Zentangle on paper flowers.

I am also playing around with different ideas of art to abandon and considering different challenges for Cloth, Paper, Scissors magazine. However, I have decided that these are not my highest priority right now. I get easily sidetracked from completing big projects so I’m going to use these as incentives as I finish bigger projects.

Speaking of big projects, I have been working on transforming an extra bedroom that we have been using as a storage room into a studio. This is a really big project. I want to get my dining room back and I think that having a dedicated studio space will really help me see and finish my big projects. However, I have to pace myself and many days it is a choice between making art and working on the studio. I guess I’m waiting to have a creative block to get going on the studio. No, actually, I have days when I feel energetic and I can make some progress in there.

Cereal box installation. What, you may be asking yourself, is a cereal box installation? Well, you will have to wait and see, but I’m really excited. Environmentalism and contentment are part of the driving forces behind the idea for this. At this point I will tell you that, for now, I’m mostly collecting cereal boxes in my “studio” and that is not helping with the cleaning/organizing in there.

How does my work differ from others of my genre?

I guess my genre is art journals and that covers a lot of territory. I am inspired by many of the art journal artists out there. I most certainly am not the only altered book art journal artist, but I do seem to be the only one with the focus on gratitude that I have. I think the story behind how I came back into doing art full time may be what sets my work apart.

Some of you know that I have had really chronic migraines for the last 3-4 years. By really chronic, I mean that I cannot remember the last time I did not have a migraine. I have been keeping a pain record journal for the last 3 years or so and it was when I started that journal that I realized that my migraine never really went away. I have other pain problems, too so it has been a little complicated. What this level of migraine means is that I spend a lot of time laying quietly in a dark room doing (almost) nothing seemingly for days and weeks on end. I practiced gratitude daily long before the migraines and it has helped me through more than one of these long quiet days. Do you know what happens when you give your mind that kind of space? You notice things. Some days I’m grateful for the lyrics to a song and the cat lying on my pillow. Some days I spend an hour or more doing loving kindness meditation to pray for freedom from pain for my future self and every being on Earth. Sometimes I lay there and think about the fact that people are doing metta (loving-kindness) meditation for me and praying for me. Do you want to know the really wild part of this? I actually worked as a school psychologist part time until last October with the full time migraine. I’m not sure how I did that. I know it didn’t leave much left over to be a mother or wife and it led me to a life with pain levels of 6 and higher almost all the time. By that point I was working maybe one or two days a week and spending most of the rest of the week in bed. I had started my blog and gratitude art journal by then. I am happy with the work I did, but it was generally much simpler than what I do now and I didn’t post as often to my blog either.

The migraine has had vision implications at times and always has stamina limitations. These have had an impact on the ways I can express myself with art. Art journaling is the perfect venue for expressing art within varying constraints! It is really difficult to paint with watercolors or acrylics in 10-15 minute increments. However, Zentangles are perfect for short periods of work. I am getting to the point where I can work on multiples of something, such as prepping canvases and journal pages and getting into more watercolor and acrylic painting. A lot of the time now I will start something with paint and then embellish it with Zentangles. A photograph is something I can manage on even my worst days, or gluing some text from a magazine, or writing out a word or two.

Why do I write/create what I do?

I started to really enjoy exploring new avenues of creativity while I spent hours being quiet and trying to think of something other than pain. Like I said, I have been practicing gratitude in one way or another for many years and I am so grateful for the joy and satisfaction that working in my journals has brought to me. The fact that anyone else is interested has been such a wonderful bonus.

How does your writing/creating process work?

As I go through the day I notice things that I am grateful for. I have developed metaphors for many people and activities in my life that are frequently included in my journals. Some examples from this week’s post include the use of pages from my father’s hymnal and old magazine clippings that my great aunt collected as a metaphor for my mother.

wisdom teeth removed safely

 

salsa and community

Usually when images are cut up, as in Saturday’s entry, it represents some kind of related work I was able to do. I like to use images of cut up food for time spent happily cooking. I like to represent organizing stuff with orderly rows of circles or squares with different design elements in them. I have to say that I was so happy with the way the photos of our latest CSA bounty turned out. It was fun to cut up the ingredients to make the salsa with the food processor and then with the scissors. Some days I also want to use specific art supplies to prepare for a workshop. Tonight I’m teaching a back-to-school gratitude/art journal workshop with mostly Crayola supplies. This watercolor was done with crayons and pan watercolors available for less than $5.

So some days the things I’m grateful for determine the media and the process and sometimes it is the other way around. I have to admit that I am also addicted to books and videos about how to do different things. At any given time I have 20-30 things checked out from the library and that may determine how I express my gratitude on a given day. If a book is due that day I may add it to my reference page to use a technique I don’t yet have the materials and/or stamina for yet or I may jump right in and try something from the book and mention it in my blog.

And some days I’m not up to much of anything so I lay in bed and make a few notes in my pain journal to use as reference. Those days usually end up being pretty simple pages. I may focus on a word or person or my cats or all of the above. There are so many things that I am grateful for everyday, even my really bad days. I have made stencils to represent my husband, son, and cats. I have a stash of photos that represent different friends. I have started to collect washi tape and special papers that reminds me of individuals.

My photography has generally been used to support my children’s scrapbooks, my journals, cards, and as reference for my artwork. However, I bought a really nice camera a few years ago for a vacation to Italy and I have been getting into photography more and more as an end in itself. As I mentioned before, I have also developed a stash of photos that act as metaphors for different people and activities. My friend Dawn is such a morning person and I have a photo of the sunrise over Lake Michigan that is so her.

As I have been blogging longer and reading other people’s blogs more, I have been writing more and sharing more of who I am. This post has been the biggest share of all time for me and I hope you have enjoyed it. I am looking forward to learning more about the creative process of 2 fabulous writers I follow Lora and Ellisnelson.

Image

Becoming

17 Thursday Oct 2013

Tags

art, butterfly, migraine, photograph, Self-portrait, tattoo, zentangle

Becoming

Here I am in my creative den. I suffer from chronic migraines and I spend a lot of time in my room in the dark. Today as things were feeling better I opened the curtains a little and took this self-portrait. You can see the zentangle that I designed for my tattoo. I call her sunshine in a nod to John Denver. “Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy.”
I really identify with butterflies and I try to think of my time of rest as my transformation into a butterfly. Some of my best creative ideas come to me while I heal. I believe I am becoming someone better.

Posted by Jeanette Clawson | Filed under Self-portrait

≈ 4 Comments

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